Anger...it comes in stages in my personality...
Stage 1:
Angel got to a fight with Alex (Nightshade) and she blamed him for the 'bad' stuff I do in the game. Ok, I can tolerate that but why does that have to do with him? It's my actions and my plans, not his.
Stage 2:
Angel 'assumed' that I am betraying her and her alliance when she read my in-game mails which I left before I quit the game. She's reading it on her point on view, which is the wrong way to read it. If one are to read an espionage letter/mail, one should read it on the receiver's point of view. First of all, I am trying to infiltrate another alliance to spy on them and perhaps do stir some in-fightings from within. Secondly, I have to say bad things about her and the alliance so they would be convinced that I really want to be in their alliance. Thirdly, I never meant of all the stuff I said, it's a bloody game and why should you pour your emotions into it. If it were me to read that message, I'd just pardon those words as long as the sender knows what he is doing and he did it for the alliance. Ok, I can tolerate those since I know she's incapable of understanding certain stuff like the art of infiltration.
Stage 3:
Angel 'thinks' that my real plan is really to take Alex away from her. Yeah, she broke up with Alex and she blamed me for it just because of that in-game mails. This all started when she expelled Alex from the alliance, and several weeks later he quit the game. She blamed Alex for what I said about her in the mail and all the 'bad' stuff I had done to the alliance because Alex wasn't around anymore and she 'assumed' that I took my actions personally as a revenge for Alex. In a game, I don't care about the stuff that happened as long as they are still friends in real life. Even if they do have problems in real life, it is none of my business. I am not a tool of vengence nor an instrument of inflicting personal pain. Seriously, I am incapable of doing that sort of stuff, nor I would want to. Now this is the thing that I do not tolerate. Games are meant to be played for fun, not to cause problems or become the center of personal conflict. What pissed me off is that she kept blaming Alex for the things I did; which some are really bad which I have already apologised and made up for it, and some are 'bad' in her point of view but it was for the sake of the alliance.
Let's look at things logically, first of all, what made her think I would betray the things that I help create (the alliance)? Secondly, why is she taking stuff in the game so seriously? Thirdly, have I ever been mean to her in a real life conversation (on MSN)? Fourthly, what does Alex got to do with me and my stuff? Fifthly, she bloody doesn't understand me nor the way i do things, hence the false assumptions made by her about me.
I did several times to explain to her about me and she kept asking me to 'stop' and I 'think' she simply ignored my words. I know she doesn't understand me and she will make false assumptions about me, so I decided to do things secretly along with a handful of people who do understand me. So when I quit the game I gave my account to her and she looked into my messages, and this what started the whole bloody mess. I know, I should've deleted those messages but it's a bad habit of mine to keep certain stuff as an achievement or reference. Yeah, I can get proud of myself at times when I have done stuff that really goes into plan. What she read in my messages, was merely a fraction of my entire plan. Wish she would see it that way but she took things too seriously and so personally that it is virtually impossible for me to explain to her.
I am not mad at her for being angry at me. I am mad at her for using me as the reason to have fight with Alex. I have tried numerous attempts to fix things up but she's the only one who doesn't listen nor think properly of what I have to say. Alex knew me well so he's not surpised of the things I did because he know I would do anything to solve a problem. Angel doesn't and she barely knows me at all. All her words were thoughts and assumptions of me. She rather believe fictional facts than believing hard facts. So here ends my ranting since I am so boiled up about her for failing to reach an understanding. I have no idea how to talk to her since she have always kept shutting me out from the things that I have to say.
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